Today
by JacquelineJoyeuse
Summary: Tessa's life after and during The Infernal Devices series takes place. Read and review, s'il vous plait!
1. March 4th, 1988

March 4th, 1988

"Tessa! Are you coming with me? We're going to be late." Magnus's irate voice ricocheted around his spacious loft. It took him forever to close the deal on this one. Brooklyn has such awful real estate.

He allowed another moment to pass, before yelling again.

"Tessa! What could she be doing?" he muttered.

Sighing to himself, he dragged himself up the stairs and down the hallway until he stood just outside of Tessa's room. Hesitating for a moment, he knocked. No sound came from the other side.

"Tessa?" He pushed open the door.

The first thing he saw was the open trunk. His heart sank as he stepped further into the room, already knowing what to expect. She was sitting in a pool of fabric- a mess of beautiful, Victorian dresses. She was staring down at them and rubbing something in her hand, not acknowledging Magnus, as if she didn't know he was there. Magnus stepped into the room and quietly lowered himself to the ground.

"It's March 4th," she whispered. It was explanation enough.

"Oh, darling." He ached for her, and cursed himself for forgetting the date. This one day- every year since _his_ death- he would find her surrounded by everything memory of _him_ that she had. He knew without looking at it that Tessa was holding _his_ witchlight in her hands. Magnus knew that it was unhealthy of her to do this - scary, even- but he also knew that love was a powerful force; once it completely broke someone, that part of them was gone forever. It was agonizing to watch his best friend dwell in her memories this way.

Magnus watched big, crystal tears gather in her eyes, and said nothing as one by one they fell to the floor. He didn't touch her- he tried hugging her the first time, in 1943, and that only made it worse- as he silently got up and left, shutting the door behind him. He knew the only thing that helped was letting her be. She needed a day to just _remember_ William Herondale.

Tomorrow she would be fine. She wouldn't be happy or sad. She wouldn't be in extreme anguish, nor would she be bouncing with the light she used to have. She would be fine, and she would be living, the closest someone like Tessa would ever get to it, that is. Tomorrow, she would pretend like March 4th never happened, and Magnus wouldn't contradict her. Tomorrow would be tomorrow. All they had to do was get through today.


	2. October 16th, 1905

October 16th, 1905

Will pounded furiously on the brownstone's richly decorated door. The cool wind whipped across his face, ruffling his graying black hair across his forehead and procuring red splotches across his cheekbones. His heart banged inside his chest furiously. Worried he was going to pass out, he steadied himself with a deep breath. Nothing had shaken him up this badly since-

"Do _not_ think about that right now," he told himself through clenched teeth.

The brownstone was quite large, for New York. While he waited, he took a moment to study it. Perhaps it would calm him down.

'_Magnus has done pretty well for himself.'_

Apprehensively, he glanced down the street, illuminated with streetlamps. Luckily, not a soul was in sight.

Will heard a shout. "I'm coming!" Despite his anxiety, he allowed a small smile.

The door burst open. Magnus Bane stood in the doorway, a dark figure against the brightly lit hallway behind him. Will marveled at his appearance. Magnus was dressed in a rich dark purple suit, magnificently decorated with yellow sunflowers and birds. Yet despite his outlandish clothing, Will's real disbelief came from the fact that the warlock's face hadn't developed a single wrinkle in the past 33 years.

Astonishment registered on Magnus's ethnic features, along with another emotion (one Will couldn't quite read) then was quickly smoothed out.

"William Herondale. I didn't know you were in New York. To what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked, his voice coated with false cheer.

He decided to cut right to the chase. "I know she's here, Magnus."

"Who, Will?" He was being deliberately difficult, stalling.

Will balled his hands into fists. "Tessa. I need to see her."

Magnus studied the older man's weathered, yet still frustratingly perfect face. "I don't think that's a good idea, shadowhunter."

Will said nothing for a moment, looking at Magnus's impassive face. His mouth was pressed into a firm line, his eyes unusually serious. They both knew Will had gone a bit insane. _'I must look like a madman,' _he thought.

"Magnus, I don't think you understand," he began. "I'd like to- I _must_-"

"See here is where you are wrong, William. You came here because you love Tessa, am I correct? And it's not just a mundane love, for a mundane girl, as you thought at first. It's an all encompassing, passionate, almost unbearable sort of love. A love someone would happily die for, over and over again. You feel this love so deeply and wholeheartedly. It has been _absolute torture_ to be away from her all these years. You think she was caught up in the death of Jem and her brother when she left. You think that she couldn't have handled anything else at the time. So you boarded a ship, -or used a portal- to America once you were sure she was ready. Now, you arrive, hopeful and excited to see her. You are almost positive she has been waiting for you; she may even have already known you were coming! If this is the case, William, I'm afraid I have unfortunate news for you."

Will, who had so far been listening to Magnus with confused resentment, held his breath. He knew that whatever Magnus said next would ruin him, despite Will's best efforts.

Magnus closed his eyes, as if _he_ were in a sort of pain. Will waited, numbness slowly encroaching his heart. With an odd sort of detachment, Will noticed Magnus steeling himself, like a doctor would before informing someone a family member had died.

'_And yet I have had the weakness, and have still the weakness, to wish you to know with what a sudden mastery you kindled me, heap of ashes that I am, into fire' _echoed in William Herondale's head as Magnus gently told him the truth. The awful, twisted, truth.

"Will, she left because she didn't love you. I'm...sorry."

Magnus could barely stand to look at the man, now just a broken boy. He didn't want to have to do this- he_ prayed_ he would never have to do it- but Tessa had been adamant. Magnus understood that she was just trying to protect Will from loving her; she didn't want him to love a ghost, ripped apart from his world, barely living in the outskirts of his destiny. She said at first he wouldn't understand- that only the purest form of kindness is sometimes disguised as cruelty. But Tessa had begged him.

Will gritted his teeth. "I demand to see her."

Seeing that Will wasn't going anywhere until he heard it for himself, Magnus sighed. "Very well, then. Wait here." He disappeared back into the townhouse, calling "Tessa!"

After a moment, the door opened again, revealing a teenage girl in a white lace dress, carrying a book. Will gazed at her, astonished. She was still the same beautiful Tessa. Shock, happiness, then misery registered on her face, then nothing at all. She looked almost bored.

"Will." Tessa stated, her voice cool and sure. "What are you doing here?" She stepped out into the night air, closing the door behind her. She was not intending to invite him in.

He looked at her in confusion. "Tess, I.."

"Yes, Will?" Her gaze was unwavering, expectant.

Will swallowed, feeling sick. This was all wrong. She looked so much like Tessa, yet she was nothing like the Tessa he remembered. The Tessa he loved.

"I know its been..difficult..for you, with the death of Jem and your brother. But that was nearly 16 years ago. I've been searching for you ever since you left, convinced we could overcome this." He shook his head.

Tessa said nothing, impassive.

"Tessa, I love you. Surely you must know that! And to stand there, looking...looking as you look! By the Angel, Tessa where have you gone?" He was losing control. He took a moment to collect himself.

Her eyes filled with unshed tears. When he turned to look at her again, she pushed them back, letting her face settle into a cold mask once again.

"Will, I don't know what to tell you."

"What..what do you mean?"

Tessa took a deep breath.

"I mean I meant what I said, all those 16 years ago. I mean that his venture was stupid, that you shouldn't have wasted so many years looking for me. I mean I do not love you." She considered him, pitying.

Will's face had gone pale, his bright eyes now dull.

"I see."

She felt as if she were about to throw up.

Unable to look at him anymore, she pleaded, "Just leave."

_Please, please. Just go away._

Without another word, the defeated man turned and left, shattered. He hurried down the deserted street, forced into a future neither he nor Tessa really wanted.

But when had anyone ever gotten what they truly wanted?

Tessa watched him retreat into the shadows. She stepped back into the warm house, shutting the door softly, heaving a sigh of relief.

"Magnus?" The warlock was sitting on the couch, gazing into the fire.

He looked up, startled. Seeing her face, he motioned for her to sit on the cushion beside him.

"Come here." He opened his arms, and she crawled into them, snuggling up next to her best friend on the couch.

"I did it." Neither of them said anything for awhile, continuing to watch the flames flicker and move.

"Everything changes," Magnus mused. "Except for us. I suppose I should be used to that by now. But I'm not."

She was not used to it either.

"Tell me a story, please." Tears were threatening to spill over, and she couldn't let herself succumb to them quite yet.

"Hmm..a story? What shall it be about?"

"I don't know..anything."

Magnus thought a moment. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful warlock girl named Tessa," he began.

She smiled.


	3. November 11th, 1924

November 11th, 1924

The rain pounded hard and thunder boomed, as if the sobs of heaven could be heard on earth.

Tessa ran across the deserted Brooklyn street, hurriedly dodging the puddles forming on the road. Her old umbrella was doing absolutely nothing to keep the rain from streaming down her face like rivulets of tears. Sighing, she fumbled with the key and finally managed to unlock the door. In all her 68 years, she hadn't developed a liking for rain; actually, she had come to detest it even more.

Stepping in the foyer, she looked around. Magnus didn't appear to be home. The fireplace wasn't lit, and the house had the feeling of desertion. Tessa shook her light brown hair out of her hood and hung up her raincoat, wondering where in the world Magnus could be.

_"Probably out gallivanting with those ridiculous faeries," _she thought, a small smile gracing her face. She had been noticing a slight change in Magnus these days. He bounced when he walked, and was quick to crack more lighthearted jokes. Tessa thought it meant he was smitten with another love interest, or he was working for the Clave again. Either way, she was glad to see her friend so happy again.

Tessa climbed the wooden stairs, prepared to dive into her new book, _This Side of Paradise_ by a new American author, F. Scott Fitzgerald. She paused just outside her room. Joyous laughter-followed by a loud "Whoop!"- rang out from above her.

"_Magnus."_ Tessa thought, grinning. She turned back down the hallway, until she found the attic door. Climbing up the stairs, she poked her head out of the opening. Magnus wasn' there. She heard another shout, coming from outside the window. Tessa raced over to the window, craning her neck. Finally, she saw him.

Magnus was drenched and grinning. His eyes were closed, his head tipped up to the sky. Rain was falling off of him in small streams over his outstretched arms and still body. When his cat eyes opened and saw her, they sparkled with the true joy only living can bring.

Still smiling, Tessa opened the window and stepped out onto the roof.

"Magnus, you are certifiably _insane_! What are you doing?" she half-screamed at him over the thunder, laughing hysterically.

Magnus began to twirl. He paused and looked at her for a moment, considering his best friend.

"My darling, I am simply living. Would you like to dance?" He bowed -a true Victorian gentleman- and offered his hand.

She curtsied, still giggling. "Sir, I would be delighted."

He placed his hand on her waist, she placed hers on his shoulder, and they were off, gliding around the roof as if, instead of a thunderstorm, it was a grand party they were attending. The movements brought Tessa back to another time, her _own_ time. A time of glittery ballrooms and beautiful dresses. A time of carriages and fairytales and happy endings. Strangely, instead of despair creeping into her heart like it did when she normally thought of her life back then, she felt fondness. She had missed this, she realized. She missed not only the dancing, but embracing the craziness, the impulsivity of life.

Tessa thought how lucky she was to have this peculiar warlock as her friend. Without him, she would be surely lost.

Almost like he was thinking the same thing, Magnus leaned down and kissed her forehead. He had noticed that her gray eyes were bright, the brightest he'd seen them in a while.

"Let's go to Argentina tomorrow," he proposed.

Tessa looked up at him. "Alright," she said. "But only if I get to pick the house this time."

Magnus beamed. "Deal."

With that, they continued to walz. The two warlocks danced until the storm had passed. They danced until they were out of breath, shaky and exhausted.

They had forever ahead of them, and they weren't going to waste one second of it. Not a single one.


	4. December 9th, 1878

December 9th, 1878

The demon cried out as Will stabbed it. In one last attempt at killing them, Yanulo let out a random burst of green light, missing Will and Tessa by about a foot. The candles flickered once, twice, before submerging them in complete darkness.

Tessa decided that darkness is more frightening than actually seeing the monster in it. She knew Yanulo was only momentarily detained. In a minute it would regenerate, angrier and more powerful than ever.

"Tessa?" Will's worried voice floated through the black. "Tessa, are you okay?"

"Yes," came Tessa's strained reply.

"Tessa, whatever you do, _don't move_."

"Will, I can't see-"

"_Tessa_," Will hissed. "Don't talk, don't move, don't breathe."

Her hands shook, but she kept as still as she could. _"How will we get out of this?" _she wondered with a cold sort of detachment. They were trapped in the cellar-Will's lock rune made sure of that- and from what she knew, there was no way to kill a Greater Demon.

In a rare moment of pessimism, Tessa appreciated the irony that she was dying at the hand of a demon. It made sense, she thought. She would be destroyed by the very thing that created her. Then, she thought of Will.

_"He can't die," _she realized. He has so much ahead of him. He would grow up, have children, read more books. Tessa had forever. She was blessed- and cursed, in a way- with an infinite amount of time and experience. Will only had about 80 years at least, probably less with the risky life he led. She needed to protect him at all costs.

Panicked, Tessa blindly groped for Will.

"Will, wait until we can see," she said, her voice rising in sudden hysteria, "Just _wait-"_

She was cut off by a low, gutteral sound that came from a corner of the dank space. Her heart leaped into her throat, her blood singing in her veins. Despite what Will had instructed, her breathing became shallow and loud.

Tessa felt his hand on her mouth, quieting her and pulling her up against him. Then she felt his voice in her ear, saying "Tessa, in my trouser pocket is Henry's improved witchlight. I need you to get it."

In spite of the life-threatening circumstances, Tessa still blushed as she reached her hand into his pants. When she had the witchlight firmly in her hand, Will spoke. "Now on the count of three, I need you to press the button that turns it on, okay?"

The noise was becoming louder- Yanulo was gaining strength. Tessa pushed away the tendrils of fear attempting to paralyze her.

"Okay," she said unsteadily, trying to think of something she could do to help. "Be careful."

Somehow, Tessa knew Will's teeth bared a feral grin, even though she couldn't see him.

"Am I ever anything but?"

She felt him leave her, heading in the direction of the crescendoing growls. With her left hand, she grabbed her clockwork angel. With her right, she gripped the witchlight so tightly she feared it would break.

From somewhere in the room, Will's voice rang out, steady and unafraid. "Okay, Tessa! One..."

She allowed herself a split second to be afraid for him. In that split second, she saw everything they could have together. She saw it, and it gave her hope. A hope that only death could give. If they died, maybe she would find him someday, when their bodies were long gone and the world was once again ready for their souls. Maybe she wouldn't be a warlock, and maybe he wouldn't be a shadowhunter. Maybe they'd just be human, in the best sense of the word. They'd love eachother freely- a happy, unblemished, normal love. It was this hope that made Tessa understand what she had to do.

"Two..."

Jem would be okay. They were so close to finding the cure. Will would take care of him, she was sure. Perhaps she'd see him soon, too. You're lucky enough to get a friend like Jem in at least one of your lives.

_"Goodbye, Will."_

"Three!"

She pressed the button.

The room flashed with a light so bright, Tessa thought for a moment she was blind. She heard Will cry out "Sammael!" at the same time she heard Yanulo shriek. Then, it charged at Will, its stinger aiming for his throat.

With perfect clarity, Tessa saw Will duck down, dodging Yanulo's attack. He wasn't going to be fast enough.

Tessa threw herself in between him and the demon, her arms splayed protectively in front of him. Faintly, she heard him cry her name as the stinger plunged into her heart.

The world melted away, leaving only pain. Unbearable, torturous pain. She felt as if acid was burning her, inside out. Her heart beat furiously fast. Helpless, she fell to her knees, clutching her chest. Yanulo laughed- a warped and high pitched cackle- as Will's seraph blade came down on it, a blur of motion. In the glow of his sword, his face twisted with a terrible beauty. She heard a sickening crunch, and a short, inhuman cry.

Yanulo was dead.

_"He truly looks like an avenging angel."_ Tessa thought dazedly, fighting against the poison eating at her heart. Slowly but surely, she felt the life seeping out of her body as unconsciousness edged across her vision. _"Wait,"_ she pleaded. _"Give me one more minute with him." _

Will dropped to the floor, his hands fluttering over her body, unsure. "Oh, God. Tessa, hold on. I'll go get help. Please-" he broke off, useless tears streaming down his face.

She struggled to stay awake. She remembered she had to tell him something. She wished she could think what it was.

"Will?" The whisper was so hushed, she wasn't positive he could hear her.

"Yes?" Of course he heard her, she realized. He always had.

"It hurts."

"Don't worry, sweetheart. It will go away in a minute, okay? In just a minute." He was still crying. Why was he crying, again? Will never cried.

A fresh wave of pain encompassed her, and then she felt weightless. Was she flying? She didn't remember learning how to fly.

She thought she felt Will's arms around her, carrying her.

_"But that's impossible. Will can't carry me. He doesn't belong here, in all this pain."_

She heard him murmuring something in her ear. She was still trying to understand what he was saying when she floated away. Yes, darkness is frighteningly uncertain, but it is also wonderfully peaceful.

* * *

><p>The first thing Tessa became aware of was the light pressure of a hand holding hers. She slowly opened her eyes to see a pair of somber blue ones staring back at her. The dark circles under Will's eyes made her wonder how long its been since he had last slept.<p>

"What happened?" her voice cracked, dry and scratchy. She looked around and with some surprise she realized she was in the infirmary. Charlotte had told her this was where the Institute kept ill shadowhunters for observation. Wordlessly, Will handed her a glass of water. She drank it greedily, grateful.

Will leaned back in his chair, though his hand still held hers. Tessa got the feeling he wouldn't release it for awhile. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Do you have any pain in your chest?"

Tessa shook her head, remembering the way her heart contracted with a sort of pain that she wouldn't wish on anyone, not even Mortmain. With a pang, she remembered how ready she had been to die for this boy holding her hand.

Something dawned on Tessa. "If I'm alive...am I...am I like Jem now?" She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

"No, the demon part of you counteracted Yanulo's poison," he said, relief evident in his face. "Henry tried to explain to me it had something to do with your cells, but I couldn't really pay attention. I had to make sure you were okay."

Will took a moment to study her, his gaze reproachful. His gaze made her uncomfortable. She looked away.

"Damnit, Tessa! You were so foolish, to sacrifice yourself that way. My life.." He paused, drawing a shaky breath.

"My life is meaningless compared to yours. Do you know what that would have done to Charlotte and Henry? Jem? God, even Jessamine would have been heartbroken." He glanced away, his hand tightening around hers.

"What about you, Will?" she asked, staring at him.

"What about me?" He still wouldn't look at her.

"Would you have been heartbroken?"

Tessa's wide eyes were almost too much to bear. He shouldn't do this to her, inflict himself and his family's secret on her. She was untouched, innocent. Will had to make sure she stayed that way.

He didn't say anything for a moment, playing with her fingers.

"Are you familiar with the Samson of the Bible?" he began.

She was not very religious. Tessa shook her head.

Will explained. "Samson had supernatural strength. God gave him his strength and told him that if he ever cut his hair, he'd lose it." Will's brow was furrowed the tiniest bit.

He went on. "Samson fell in love with a woman named Delilah, who was paid money by his enemies to find out the secret of his strength and try to take it away. Being so in love with her, he told her, and she cut his hair." Will finally looked at Tessa. Startled by the intensity in his eyes, Tessa found she could not look away.

"Tessa, you have cut my hair. I would willingly let you cut it off, again and again, if the alternative was losing you."

Will ran an unsteady hang through his messy hair. His face was still cut and bloody from the night before.

Tessa smiled. "Well, I should hope not. I'm really very awful at cutting hair." She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the pillow. Almost instantly, she was asleep.

Will watched her, struck by the brevity of the situation. She had almost died. He gently caressed her hand, haunted by the memory of her falling to the ground, of him being so utterly helpless as she slipped away from him.

_"Never_ _again_,_"_ he thought. He would never forgive himself if something did happen to her. It would destroy him, and maybe that's what he deserved, but she certainly didn't. Tessa deserved everything good and happy and beautiful in the world.

Will removed his hand from hers and pressed a light kiss to her forehead, turning to go. She deserved a life without him.


	5. January 14th, 1879

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews! I've been trying to write more, but you know how life is... it just gets way too busy. :)**

**Thanks to bookworm808, I've realized that last chapter I made a mistake! I wrote the year as "1872", when in reality, they met in 1878. Sorry for the confusion!**

**Also, can we just freak out about how CLOCKWORK PRINCE IS TWO WEEKS AWAY!**

**Happy Thanksgiving everyone!**

January 14th, 1878

When Jem saw her, his breathing ceased.

Tessa was... indescribable. He was convinced there were no words in any language that could accurately depict her right then at that moment. "Beautiful" was too commonplace, "pretty" barely scratched the surface. "Lovely" was just Tessa. So, instead of focusing on something so trivial as a description, Jem chose to just look at her.

She was gliding across the ball room floor, in a flowing gold and white dress that hugged her thin figure. Her curly brown hair was loose and shimmered halfway down her back, catching the reflection of the candlelight. Though she was wearing an elegant mask, he knew it was her immediately, with the way she missed a dance step and blushed. Holy hell, even her blush was exquisite.

Jem couldn't remember the exact moment he knew he was in love with Tessa Gray. It seemed to gradually become known to him, as if it were inevitable and totally natural that he fall in love with her.

And fall in love with her he did, fast and hard. She came crashing into his life, a completely unexpected gift. She bewitched him with her constant desire to simply do the right thing. Jem saw her courage, her fearlessness, her love of reading, absolutely stunning. He was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. Tessa did things like that to him. Though he was normally cheerful despite the cirumstances, Tessa gave him a reason to live.

Charlotte and Will- everyone, really, even Jessamine- had been fruitlessly searching for a cure for nearly 5 years. Jem knew there wasn't one, and he had accepted that, determined to live out his life to the fullest.

Feeling trapped and clausterphobic, Jem made his way through the throng of dancers, and out to the outside balcony. Alone, he breathed in the fresh air, as his heart calmed a little and his flushed cheeks cooled. Leaning out against the ledge, Jem let his eyes rove over London, the city he had come to call home. He would be sad to leave it, he realized. Its dreary weather and the silly people had grown on him.

He heard light footsteps behind him. Jem turned, a slight smile gracing his face. "Will, have you been kicked out already? Its not even past nine. This may be a new record for-" He broke off, seeing her.

Tessa grinned. "Well, he hasn't bitten any vampires yet, but give it time. Its still early." She came to stand beside him, gray eyes gazing out into the night. She was a goddess, looking out over the world she ruled.

After a pause, she asked "Jem, what happens when all of this is done?"

His brow furrowed, he glanced over at her. "What do you mean?"

"When I'm of no use to the shadowhunters, and everything is over," she waved her hand in the air, a frustrated gesture he found charming. "What happens after that?"

They fell into silence for a moment, the sounds of the city below them filling the night air.

"Life, I suppose," he cleared his throat, not mentioning that his wouldn't. "Charlotte will most likely have you ally with her, and maybe she'll provide you a house someplace nice, perhaps in the country." Jem thought of Magnus. Surely he would help Tessa if she had nowhere to go at the end of all this.

"Hmm." Tessa murmured, pondering that.

In the moonlight, Jem knew he loved her. He was never more certain of anything in his whole life. He loved her and he knew it and he was going to die soon. How perfectly ironic.

Gathering up his courage, he reached over to take her hand, and firmly gripped it in his. "You'll be okay," he told her. "I know that, because you're Tessa."

Startled, Tessa stared at him, in wonderment and...tenderness? His heart was wildly thumping inside his chest. Their lips were quite close now, hers parted and inviting. She tipped her head up to meet him, and he hesitated, his eyes searching hers. Slowly, his hand reached up to cup her face, his thumb stroking her cheekbone. Tessa shut her eyes and leaned in.

Their mouths met with a soft, lingering sweetness. Jem shuddered. She was so sweet, so, so sweet. He wanted to keep on kissing her, forever and ever.

She clung on to his shirtsleeves, bunching up the material in his hands as if he was the only thing tethering her to this world.

Just then, they heard a noise, a gasp of surprise. Breaking apart, Jem swiveled his head toward it, a sinking feeling in his gut. Will was standing there, a hurt expression on his face. Wiping it away, he cleared his throat. "Ah. I'm sorry to have disturbed you both. Please, continue. I will be, ah, inside if you need me." With that, he spun on his heel and was gone.

Jem turned to Tessa. A flicker of emotions crossed her face- guilt, confusion, despair. When he saw that, he knew. Tessa would always love Will. And that was okay. She deserved someone like Will -though he was quite misguided and secretive at times- someone who truly loved her.

Swallowing the sudden swell of emotion, James Carstairs turned to Tessa Gray and said three words that would change the course of both their lives. He said three words that really meant another set of three words, the ones he could never say to her.

"Go after him."

_'Its okay,' _his eyes seemed to say.

Looking at him, she knew she was hurting him, but she didn't know the extent of it. Regret registered on her face, but she did leave him, her dress swishing against the stone floor. Her scent hung in the air behind her as she hurried out, so if Jem closed his eyes, he could imagine she was still there, staying with him. He could imagine he was the one she was dancing with, he was the one she went after. He could imagine he was the one she chose.

But when Jem opened his eyes, he was alone, with just a city to keep him company.


	6. December 29th, 1878

December 29th, 1878

"If I didn't know any better, William," Gabriel Lightwood spat, "I would think you were actually trying to kill me."

Will laughed as sweat dripped from his brow. "Whatever...would... give... you... that... idea?" he panted, each word punctuated with a swipe of his knife at Gabriel.

Of course, Will was using a blunt knife, not intending to _seriously_ injure Gabriel. If there was a "worse" in Will Herondale (he believed there was no possible thing- he was always at his worst) Gabriel was someone very capable of bringing it out in him.

"Well, if the obvious hatred rolling off of you is any indication," Gabriel responded, his smirk infuriating him even more. Will could practically feel the superiority rolling off of the other shadowhunter. _'Arrogant bastard.' _he thought venomously.

"Perhaps if we were not merely sparring, you would be pretty close to it- if circumstances were different, and you had any talent, that is." Gabriel dodged Will's sudden lunge toward him, the knife aimed at his stomach.

Undeterred, Will spun and kicked Gabriel smack dab in the center of his chest, sending him flying backward. He stood over Gabriel triumphantly and pointed his knife directly over the other boy's heart.

"Fortunately for you, I do not plan to kill you this evening, as it would upset Charlotte. And God knows she hasn't the need for any more grief from your family. Pricks, the lot of you." His lip curled in disgust as he looked at the perspiring boy sprawled on the floor. Then, he smiled.

"Except for your sister, I suppose. She is quite decent, especially at-"

With an enraged cry, Gabriel moved -quick as lightning- and was leaping toward Will, hatred etched across his handsome features.

At the last second, Will jumped out of the way, letting Gabriel smash into one of the Institute's stone pillars. This only made Will laugh again, carelessly and unabashed. Enraged, Gabriel let out a roar and rushed Will.

Dodging him once again, Will swiveled and got the upper hand, striking down a hard blow to Gabriel's shoulder. Gabriel needed a moment to collect himself.

This set off more gales of capricious laughter. After Will finished, his face settled into a cold, hard smile.

"Why do you care so much for your "sister" Gabriel?" He taunted. "It's not as if she's _fully _your sibling, I'm sure, with your father's, ah, track record. She is most likely the bastard child from a Downworlder woman of-shall we say- _looser_ morals." Will chuckled.

Noticing Gabriel's livid expression, Will assured him, "Oh, its alright, Gabe. One musn't dwell on family things such as these. You needn't-" Sidetracked by goading his enemy, Will let down his weapon for a moment.

A moment was all it took. Gabriel launched himself at Will, propelled by his fury.

Caught off guard, Will staggered back, his face a mixture of confusion and shock. Will fell to the ground. He was in no way prepared for the hilt end of the knife as Gabriel struck his face. Nor was he prepared for Gabriel's merciless kicks to his ribs. Will felt at least three of them crack. Blow after blow after blow, Gabriel would not stop. He would continue hitting William Herondale until he was _dead! _Blood spurted from his nose as Will crumpled into a ball on the floor. Gabriel knew Will was incapacitated, yet he would not stop. Literally, Lightwood was kicking him while he was down.

At this precise moment, Tessa entered the sparring room, unnoticed by either of the two boys, for Gabriel was intent on beating Will to a bloody pulp, and Will was too immersed in the pain being inflicted on him.

For a moment, Tessa could only stare, completely speechless. Then, she saw red.

"_What in the HELL is going on?"_ she cried.

In a blind rage, flew at Gabriel and flung him off of Will, into the wall. He was so stunned, he did nothing except stare at her, jolted back to himself.

Tessa knelt down to Will, immediately checking him for any serious injuries. His forehead was creased in pain, his mouth a tense line. Blood was everywhere.

"Will," she murmured, forgetting herself for a moment. "Are you alright?" She smoothed his sweaty, blood clumped hair off his forehead, silently begging him to _please, please be okay._

His eyes fluttered open. Tessa let out a breath.

Disoriented, Will thought at first that Tessa was some cruel imagination conjured by his subconscious. Then, as she softly pressed her hands against his ribs to check for fractures, the pain brought him back to reality.

She was really there.

Tessa still swept her hands across his chest, feeling for breaks. "I'm fine," he said through gritted teeth, pushing away the need to cry out.

Her look told him, that no, he was not fine; her clear, gray eyes admonished him.

"No, you're not."

He sighed in relief when she finally removed her hands.

Tessa glanced toward Gabriel, still fetched up against the wall, breathing hard and in shock.

"Gabriel, do you have your steele?" Tessa asked.

He shook his head.

"Gabriel," she urged in frustration. "Go get Charlotte, or if he's available, Jem. Anyone you can find that will know how to heal him."

Seeing him hesitate, she became more impatient. "GO! He's in incredible pain because of what _you_ did to him. Hurry!"

Startled, Gabriel hastily left. Tessa and Will were alone in the room.

She gently continued to mop blood off of his face with her handkerchief. She wondered what Will could have possibly said to Gabriel to make him lose control so rapidly.

But who was she kidding. This was _Will._ He could provoke a nun to curse.

Will half-heartedly batted her hand away. "You don't need to do that," he said, attempting coldness. He was in too much pain, however, for his words to have any actual edge to them.

Tessa ignored him.

"You know," she said, conversationally, as if they were having a normal chat, "When you say things like that, half of me wants to believe you. Half of me _wants _you to be cruel and heartless, because I'm afraid."

She continued to dab his face. Will attempted to sit up, a grimace on his lovely face. She gently but firmly pushed him back down, pretending not to notice the look he shot her.

"But," Her face was set deep in concentration, as if cleaning his superficial wound was the most important thing in the world to her. Her eyes refused to meet his. "The other half of me knows you are one of the few people on this earth with true goodness at your core."

He scowled, but before he could say something, Tessa went on.

"Please do me a favor and don't insult me by denying it. I think that deep down, you know it as well. And I think that it frightens you too." She finished with the blood, and then lightly pressed the cloth against a cut just above his eyebrow.

Swallowing, she finally met his eyes. His blue, beautiful eyes were intensely focused on hers, surprisingly bright with...she didn't know. Whatever it was, it made her stomach flip.

He opened his mouth to say something, but at that exact moment, the doors burst open courtesy of Charlotte. Gabriel was trailing close behind her, looking very much like a sorry puppy.

"Really, Will!" Charlotte berated him. "You should know better than to let your temper get the best of you."

"Hello to you as well, my dear Charlotte." Will replied sardonically, without his usual punch.

_'Good. He is well enough to make snarky comments.' _Tessa reassured herself.

She knew Charlotte was only reprimanding Will because she was worried about him. Distracted, Will shifted his gaze to Charlotte as she took out her steele, preparing to re-sketch his healing rune.

Taking advantage of the diversion, Tessa silently slipped out of the sparring room, shutting the door with a barely audible click.

Will didn't need her, Gabriel certainly didn't either, and really, who was she to tell them otherwise?

_'Just a warlock girl, worth nothing to them, not even an opinion'_ she thought, uncharacteristically bitter. She tried-and failed- to keep her next thought at bay. But it managed to slip through, just as it always does.

_'Just a Downworlder, in love with a shadowhunter.'_

Why had her life gotten so complicated?


	7. May 3rd, 1906

**Ha, I wrote the past two chapters while my family was watching football (ew) and napping.**

**This one takes place a few months after Magnus turned Will away. I made Marissa Lightwood and Jack Morgenstern's names up, obviously. We will probably meet Gabriel's sister in Clockwork Prince. So, humor me and pretend her name is Marissa. :)**

**In case you haven't noticed, I'm definitely Team Will for Tessa. However, I got to thinking, and I kind of like these two also. **

**Review review review! Thanks!**

May 3rd, 1906

William Herondale stalked into the Lightwoods' foyer, his weathered face set in grim determination.

The ornate fireplace was roaring, fighting against London's unfailing chill. Marissa Lightwood sat curled next to it, in the armchair. At 36, she was still beautiful- as all Lightwoods are- with waist-length, wavy blonde hair and sparkling dark green eyes the color of trampled leaves. Her fair complexion was flushed, the heat from the fire evidently doing its job well.

For a moment, Will paused, readying himself. Could he really bring himself do this?

He shook his head, banishing the dark thoughts that occupied his mind.

"Hello, Will," Marissa said, not bothering to look up. Her pale pink lips curled into a smile. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I need you to marry me."

At that, she did look up. Will was standing in front of her, blue fire dancing in his eyes. He looked disheveled and wild, though somehow, still handsome.

She frowned, confused, but unperturbed by both his request and his delivery. "Now, why would I do that?" she asked him, genuinely curious.

Will took a breath, preparing his speech. However, when he opened his mouth, what came out was, "Because you love me."

For a moment, the only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire.

Then, Marissa Lightwood burst out laughing. The gales of laughter lasted for quite awhile, and when she finally was ready to reply, something would send her into another fit of giggles.

Will scowled. "Well, I ceratinly didn't think _that_ would be your reaction," he muttered, looking like he was searching the room for an escape.

Marissa let out a breath, wiping her eyes. "Oh, Will. Thank you very much. Thank you, I needed that. I haven't been sleeping well lately, you see, and pressure from my father has been-"

"Marissa," he interrupted, frowning. "I'm quite serious."

She looked at him, and saw that he was, in fact serious. She immediately sobered.

"It is true," she began cautiously. "That for a spell, I did love you. Even when I married Jack Morgenstern- God rest his soul- I couldn't bring myself to forget you." She eyed him, gauging his reaction.

Seeing none, Marissa continued. "However, I always knew you were hopelessly devoted that warlock girl, so I let it go. I found happiness with Jack." Her face darkened. "Until that raid on the downtown werewolf pack, at least."

She brushed away her thoughts, her expression softening into something like befuddlement. "Whatever happened? I was told by Gabriel that you portaled to America some odd months ago. Did you not find her?"

Will said nothing, his mouth pursed in a thin line. That was answer enough for Marissa.

"Ah." She nodded. "So she does not want you. I'm sorry to hear that." And she was, to some degree. Marissa remembered the jealousy searing through her at her father's ball, all those years ago, as Tessa danced in Will's arms. She remembered desperately wishing Will would look at _her_ that way, as if she were the moon, sun, and stars together. She had thought she and Will would be a perfect match, despite him and Gabe's petty feud. They were both from honorable shadowhunter families (his father's mistake aside) and she was quite rich. She remembered the first time he kissed her- her very first kiss- and how he caused her knees to go weak. She remembered what he said after, and how it broke her fragile sixteen-year-old heart.

_"Let's do this again sometime, shall we?" he smirked, straightening his clothes, his eyes strangely distant. Then, he walked away, leaving her alone in the dusty room. He did not look at her again for the rest of the evening._

Will cleared his throat, bringing Marissa back to the present conversation. "That does not really matter, anyhow. Our marriage would be beneficial in every way. Charlotte and Henry have accepted their positions on the Council, and they're looking for a new pair to run the Institute. Charlotte reccomended me, because I've lived there all my life, however they refuse to let me oversee it because I am in want of a wife. Some ridiculousness about hiring the right servants. Hmph. I know your father wants control of the Institue also, but as his health declines, the Council would never allow him to. Through you, he'd have his share of controlling our safehouse, his lifelong dream."

Everything sounded quite reasonable to Marissa, however one question remained.

"What will be in it for you?" Will started, his face flushing as it did when he was shocked or upset.

"I've already explained that," he replied, clearing his throat.

"You've only talked of how it will carry out Charlotte's, the Council's, my father's, and my wishes. But why do _you_ want to run the Institute so badly, Will? What would make you marry a woman you're not in love with, and take a job you don't want?" Her eyes followed him as he walked over to the fireplace, kneeling down and staring into the fire as if he'd find some hidden answer within its flaming depth.

"To forget," he whispered. "I want to forget, Missy." His voice conveyed centuries of pain.

Marissa understood, with a sudden clarity. By running the Institue, it would provide him with a distraction.

With a pang, she realized the rumors were true. He really was getting drunk and starting fights each night, probably to keep the pain of whatever Tessa did to him at bay. He was still self destructive, beautiful, complicated Will.

She couldn't let him do this to himself. She must help him.

He stood up, and held out his hand to her, an invitation.

"Marissa Lightwood," he said, his blue eyes unreadable. "Will you marry me?"

She gazed up at him, searching his face for something to make her say "yes". William Herondale would never love her as he loved Tessa Gray. But, he was asking her to spend a life with him. He was asking her to have children with him, watch them grow up. He was asking her to present a united front to the world. Will was asking her to marry him.

She accepted his hand, and he helped her out of the chair she was previously cuddled in, save and warm. Now, unsure and exhilarated, standing close to him, breathing in the smell of him (which happened to be soap and aftershave..and yes, a hint of booze). Marissa realized something. Despite everything he had put her through, despite her first marriage, despite Tessa Gray, she still loved him. And that was worth something, right?

"Yes." Yes, it was.


	8. April 6th, 1879

**Hey everyone! I know it's been awhile… I'm sorry! I definitely plan to get my butt back on this story, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. (Oh, by the way…it has some steamy Will/Tessa magic, so if you're not comfortable with that…don't say I didn't warn you.) **

**Happy reading!**

**-Francesca**

April 6th, 1879

Tessa was thinking about her wedding the next day, when she started at a knock on her bedroom door. _"Probably Jem,"_ she thought, smiling to herself.

"One minute!" she called. Glancing in the mirror, she pinched her cheeks and attempted to tame her curly hair.

Crossing over to the door, she almost tripped on her white nightgown. She caught herself at the last minute, simultaneously flinging the door open. To her surprise, Jem Carstairs was not at the door, hoping to get in a pre-wedding kiss.

It was his best friend, William Herondale.

Shocked, Tessa could do nothing but stare.

Will raised an eyebrow. "Well, are you going to let me in or not? I haven't got all night you know. Girls to be had, drinks to be drunk." He grinned at her, white teeth flashing in the candlelight.

"_Damn you, Will. Stop making my heart do that."_ Tessa thought to herself, frowning, irritated at its immediate reaction to the boy at her door.

Silently, Tessa stepped aside, opening the door wide as he crossed the threshold into her room. As he walked passed her, Tessa got a whiff of the undeniable Will smell- a mix of soap and sadness. Annoyingly, it made her want to be near him even more.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Well… what can I do for you, Mr. Herondale?"

Not answering her, Will strolled around the room, pausing at her bookshelf. He leaned down to further inspect her collection. Picking out a book, he remarked "Ah, Utopia. Didn't peg you for the whole depressing love story thing, despite your fondness for 'A Tale of Two Cities'," He straightened up, finally looking at her for the first time since she entered the room.

As always, the intensity of his eyes left her legs feeling like jelly. Tessa had hoped that feeling would go away after a few months of knowing him, living near him, but it only seemed to get worse. Frustrated, Tessa let him stare at her for a moment. Finally, Will sighed, and seemed to give in and tell her why he had come in the first place.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, for America. My ship boards at seven o'clock sharp. I came to say goodbye."

As the words slowly sunk in, Tessa began to feel as if the world had tilted on its axis. Everything was upside down, backwards, spinning frantically. For one crazy moment, Tessa felt as if she might die.

She didn't, of course. She was a warlock. It took a lot to kill her.

"Why," she whispered. "Why are you doing this?"

Will froze at her tone.

"I'm doing this for you, Tessa. I'm doing this because I only complicate things for us. For Jem." He drew in a ragged breath. "I understand you do not love me back, I do. But I can't be near you."

He swallowed.

"I can't be around you, knowing that another man-" he broke off. He tried again. "That my best friend is-". He glanced away, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her tears dripping onto the floor, and he could hardly bear to witness her misery any longer. He spun on his heel, heading for the door- desperate to breathe, to get away.

Tessa didn't know what she was doing anymore. All she knew was that he would not leave her. _He could not leave her._

"Will, wait."

He did so, steadying himself. "What is it?" he asked, his voice cracking. Clearing his throat, he slowly turned. Tessa's face was like a lovely, jigsaw puzzle that wasn't quite fit together. He could read the desperate emotions seeping through the cracks of the broken pieces. Despair, anger… love? No, it couldn't be love. Will had given up on Tessa's love a long time ago.

What was she doing? She loved Jem. Remembering this, remembering that he was the man she was going to marry tomorrow, she closed her eyes. She was messed up, horrible, disgusting. She loved her fiancé's best friend. She didn't need Aunt Harriet to tell her how wrong that was.

Steeling herself, she made up her mind. For her and Jem's sake, she would let Will go. She had to.

Will saw that her eyes were shut, as if she was ashamed. After a minute, she opened them again. The rawness in them left Will speechless, for once in his life. "Thank…thank you," she said.

"_She doesn't love you,"_ echoed in his head painfully. _"She doesn't love you, she doesn't love you, she doesn't love you. She is happy you are leaving." _

"I mean it, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you." Her eyes searched his, questions in their translucent depths.

Will's didn't give her any answers. "You're welcome." He paused, hesitant. "Now if that's all…" he trailed off expectantly. He felt disembodied. His heart was shattering into a million tiny pieces, and inside he watched, laughing at the tragedy of it all.

Stalling, Tessa seemed to make her mind up about something. She stepped forward, almost boldly, her hands trembling. "No."

Curious, Will watched her come closer, intoxicated by her sudden nearness. "No?" he inquired breathlessly, beginning to hope.

Tessa was now three inches apart from him… two…one. "No" she breathed. "That's not all."

For a moment, neither of them did anything. Then, she was reaching for him, and he for her, and suddenly their lips were infused, moving with the others' urgently, fluidly. His hands were everywhere, in her hair, on her back, her stomach. Hers were unbuttoning his waistcoat, his jacket had been thrown haphazardly to the ground already. She _needed_ him, needed him like a flower needed sunlight.

With a gasp, she peeled off his shirt, exposing his bare chest. _"Beautiful"_, thought Tessa, wonderingly. "_He's too beautiful to be real."_ He backed her up, and they fell onto the bed. She angled herself so their bodies were aligned as her wandering hands marveled against his skin. She worshiped this boy, she realized. She worshiped him with everything she had.

Will's mouth was on her neck now, trailing kisses from her collarbone up to her chin. Her mouth followed his as he teased her, kissing her nose, her neck, her cheekbone, refusing to allow their lips to meet, until he finally gave in and brought his mouth down on hers again, groaning as she nibbled on his lower lip. This girl was doing things to him, dangerous things. Scary things.

She unbuttoned his trousers, her hand hesitating at the waistband, and his whole body immediately contracted against her touch. Will pressed his face against the pillow to keep himself from begging her to keep going. She was making little noises against his mouth now, her body moving slowly against his, her breaths were quickening. He couldn't stop this, this blind madness even if he wanted to. She brushed his ebony hair back away from his face, staring into his eyes. Those eyes…

"I love you, William Herondale," she sighed, smiling with contentment and relief. Finally, he knew. She didn't have to keep it from him any longer.

"And I you, Tessa Gray," She found his lips again, beginning to pull down his trousers…

"Ms. Gray," he said.

"What?" Tessa asked, confused.

"Ms. Gray," he replied, more insistently.

"Will, I don't know what you-"

"MS. GRAY."

With a jolt, Tessa woke up to Sophie shaking her. "Ms. Gray, wake up! It's your wedding day, and you're behind schedule."


	9. April 7th, 1879

**Hiya everybody! So, this is the newest (and second to last) chapter of this story! Enjoy!**

**Ohh, b.t. dubs- there's a character death. If you are not emotionally prepared, you can't sue me for all the therapy you'll probably need. **

**-Francesca**

April 7th, 1879

Tessa stood still as Sophie reverently buttoned the back buttons on her wedding dress. It was beautiful of course- Jessamine had picked it out. The creation was ivory, with gold trimmings along the bodice. Not exactly traditional, but what did she expect from a shadowhunter wedding? The neckline was low-ish…not trampy, but still flattering. For the first time in her life, Tessa looked at herself in the mirror with satisfaction. Her gray eyes were surprisingly light, almost blue, and bright with excitement. Her cheeks were rosy and flushed, setting off her milky complexion perfectly. Her normally dull brown hair had been styled flawlessly, and she left the soft curls to hang loosely, flowing halfway down her back. She did not know this beautiful girl staring back at her, but Tessa wished that she would make an appearance more often. She felt like a fairy, ethereal and insubstantial, real but not quite.

"You look beautiful, Tessa," Sophie whispered. The older girl turned to untangle Tessa's veil, hiding her joyful tears. Sophie didn't think anyone deserved Master Jem, but if she had to pick someone it would be Tessa.

Tessa watched Sophie sniffle with some bemusement, and a little bitterness. _'Everyone is overwhelmingly happy on my wedding day...except for me.' _The truth was, Tessa still had not shaken off her dream from last night. She blushed furiously, remembering the details. Will's touch, his kiss..it was just too much. Suddenly the room was very hot. Once Sophie had flipped the veil over, obscuring Tessa's face, she excused herself, claiming she needed some fresh air before the ceremony.

She immediately started walking toward the roof, the only place she could find solace in besides the library. All Tessa really needed to do was calm down, and think. Remind herself why she was marrying Jem. _'He's kind, and funny, and smart, and beautiful, and talented, and…everything.' _ Jem was perfect. He literally had no flaws, and Tessa did truly love him. _'But Will…' _Unbidden, thoughts of Will snuck in and it was all Tessa could do not to bang her head against the stone wall.

Finally, she had reached the roof. Making to go sit by the edge (lifting her dress up so it wouldn't get dirty- Jessamine would murder her), she suddenly noticed she was not alone. Startled, Tessa immediately apologized.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize-" She broke off when she saw just who she had interrupted.

William Herondale grinned sheepishly. "I thought you'd be in the library," he explained. He drank her in, his eyes making their slow, unabashed journey from the bottom of her floor-length gown, taking a meandering trip up her covered legs, over her hips, pausing for a moment at her breasts, and then finally coming to rest on her eyes, gazing into them intensely. She swore his gaze would leave her skin scorched from the fire in it. "You look beautiful," he finally said, his voice breaking a little.

'_So do you,'_ Tessa thought immediately. Clearing her throat, all she said was a simple "Thank you."

She walked over to him. "Mind if I sit?"

Will flashed his signature smirk, not looking at her but instead at the gray city before them. "Not at all."

She did, awkwardly situating herself so her dress wouldn't get dirty, she wasn't touching him, and she was comfortable.

With dismay, Tessa understood she wasn't going to be able to think, even if Will left. Immediately after that thought, she came to the gripping realization that as long as Will was near, she would always think of him, whether she wanted to or not.

"Will?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes, Tessa?" Will was suddenly very solemn.

She pinched herself to make sure this wasn't a dream as well. That she was really having this conversation with him. A red welt began to form on her arm. _'Pity,'_ she thought ironically. Against her better judgment, she continued. "Do you want me to marry Jem?"

Will froze. He turned to face her, regarding her with such intensity she stopped breathing.

"Jem is beyond words, Tessa. You will never find a better man than him. He's warm and thoughtful, and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He's strong, he loves unconditionally and with reckless abandon." At the end of his speech, Will drew in a breath, then quietly murmured "You deserve someone like him."

Tessa let that hang between them in the silence for a moment. Then she whispered, "But do you want me to marry him?"

Will ran a hand through his hair, artfully messing it up. Sighing, he stated "It doesn't matter what I want."

Tessa laughed, albeit cynically. "Oh, Will. You have no idea how much it matters."

When he didn't say anything, she cried out, still laughing maniacally. "Here I am, getting married in less than 2 hours and I'm flirting with the groom's best friend. Normally, that would only make me a terrible person, a common whore. But no. Not only am I a wretched human being-not worthy of any love, mind you- but I'm also in love with two different men that happen to be _best friends. _She began crying. "I mean, what the hell, Tessa?" she asked herself quietly, hanging her head in defeat.

When Will saw her shoulder start shaking, he could bear it no longer. He drew her into an embrace, rubbing her back soothingly.

'_Oh, and now he must think I am crazy.' _Tessa groaned internally. Taking a deep breath, she mentally shook herself, looking up at him from behind lowered lashes. "I'm sorry," she apologized. She wasn't sure what for, exactly...all she knew was that she was regretful.

Will was still drawing circles on her back. Tessa noticed his eyes were closed when he released her. "Its okay," he smiled sadly. "Let's get you married, shall we?"

* * *

><p>As Tessa entered the church on the arm of one of the boys she loved, she didn't notice the beautiful flowers strung up everywhere, nor all the people sitting in the pews looking at her. She didn't notice the floating candles (courtesy of –who else?- Magnus Bane), nor her bridesmaids grinning at her at the end of the aisle that was so lovingly strewn with rose petals. All Tessa noticed was James Carstairs. Specifically, she noticed how sick he looked.<p>

His pallor was stark white, so pale he looked translucent. He was breathing heavily, his silver hair plastered with sweat to his temples. Tessa could see a spot of blood he had coughed up on his shirtsleeve, and upon closer inspection, she could also see his lips were stained red. Despite everything, Jem was grinning as if he had just discovered buried treasure. He winked at her from his end of the church, as if to say 'How about we get through this quickly and start the honeymoon early?' Tessa exchanged a worried look with Will, who was currently walking her down the aisle. He shook his head, telling her not to make a big deal of it in front of everyone. They'd help Jem after the ceremony. How long can a shadowhunter wedding last anyway? Worried but not frantic, Tessa tightened her grip on Will, focusing on not tripping. It had been decided a couple weeks ago that Will would give her away, as her father and brother were both… Tessa now understood the paradox of the situation. She felt as if Will was offering her up, not bothering to fight for her. _'Good God Tessa, snap out of it. You're getting married, not being sentenced to death. YOU LOVE JEM.' _Shaking her head, Tessa tried to concentrate her thoughts on Jem. Notwithstanding his sickness, Jem really did look very handsome. She remembered thinking he was otherworldly when she met him. He looked just as fey-like as she did. Tessa smiled at him wonderingly. For all her complicated feelings, she knew in her heart that she loved Jem. The only complicated part of the whole thing was her feelings for Will really and-

Almost as if in slow motion, Jem collapsed. Tessa just stood there, unable to help him as cold wind rushed in the place where Will had been holding her arm. He was next to Jem in half a second, shouting his name and shaking him awake. Now, Jem was convulsing, mumbling nonsense. "Tessa!" Will shouted! "His drug- go get the drug!" Tessa still stood frozen, unable to move. Staring transfixed at Jem, she wondered if she was supposed to be doing something, getting something maybe? She didn't know. All she could do was watch everything unfold in a blur in front of her, the world becoming more unreal by the second. Everything tilted and rushed around her in circles, and for a fleeting moment she believed she really was flying. _'I am a fairy- I have wings!'_ she thought distractedly. Then, she was jolted out of her state by Will shouting Jem's name, over and over again. His voice had gone hoarse.

Tessa immediately rushed to Jem's side. He was still as death, the only evidence that he was alive were the tears escaping from his eyelids. Suddenly, those eyelids fluttered and Tessa was looking into them. She took his other hand (the one Will was grasping onto) and she softly stroked his cheek. "James Carstairs, you had better stay with me," she threatened, sobbing. "I need you, Jem. I need you. You can't even begin to fathom how much." She moved her hand from his face to his heart. "This," she stated, her voice clear and strong, "will keep beating. You hear me? I will not let you die." On "die", her voice screeched, stuck between a yell and a sob. Jem tenderly appraised her, a soft smile on his lips. "Tessa…"

"NO!" she screamed. She continued, getting desperate. "Will needs you too, right Will? You can't just let him become a drunken wastrel. He'll contract demon pox." Tessa comprehended just how little control she had over all this. She could feel Jem slipping from her grasp. "Jem, NO! Jem.." she collapsed on his chest as the light started to flicker in his eyes. With the last bit of strength he possessed, Jem stroked her hair, whispering her name over and over. "Tessa. Tessa. Tessa." _'Please, God. Please. I'll do anything. ANYTHING,' _Tessa pleaded.

Finally, his hand stilled. Her head was still on his chest, and she heard it when his heart slowed and stopped, screaming hysterically as she realized what was happening. "No, Jem! Stay! Stay with me. You have to stay…"

Tessa Gray curled up next to her dead fiancé and wept into his motionless chest with inhuman anguish, until Henry had the good sense to scoop her up like a small child and bring her to her room.

Will was nowhere to be found.


End file.
